“‘It’s her choice,’ seems to have been their approach to Amy Winehouse’s survival. And isn’t that an enraging but suitable response from individuals and a culture that believes personal choice is king, that interference of any kind is patronizing…and that no one is responsible for anything except their own actions and how those actions impact only themselves….” [click for full article]
And more isolation for those wounded, and more personally justified detachment from those around them.
In my earlier years, on several occasions, some friend pulled me aside and said “I’m concerned for you.” Whether or not I felt their concern was justified, I was struck by the fact that each cared enough to speak up, even if only to NOT have an unrequested front row seat for what they feared was an impending train wreck. (Um, yes, that was me, back in another time.) They connected with me and voiced their concern. And, even if it took a while to sink in, it mattered.
As I’ve grown, and grown more…mature? wise? calm?… I find that my friends tend to echo that growth: less risky behavior, less acting out, less recklessness. The friends that are still here, I mean. Not all lasted long enough to outgrow their wildness or outrun their demons. And I fear some of them never heard a friend say, “I’m concerned for you.” Either we didn’t say it clearly enough (such delicate “personal choice” verbal tiptoeing!), or often enough (to finally get through the static) or at all. If I’ve ever been that not-clear, not-often or not-at-all person, let me never be her again. “Detached” is for garages. Life is connection, and connecting saves lives.